Saturday, June 02, 2001

yesterday, my mom, sister and I were cleaning out our garage in preparation for a garage sale. I found my Papa's old movie projector and all of these old movie reels of my parent's wedding and trips that my grandparents made to California. I wanted to try it out but my mom thought that it didn't work. it was so amazing though and I got it to work. my mom and I sat upstairs crying watching these old movies. my grandparents were so young and I miss them incredibly. they were like surrogate parents and I only hope to be as loving as they were. I loved the quality of the film. I loved the way the film projected on the wall of the spare room upstairs. I loved how it flickered and the sound that the projector made. mostly, I loved the times and people that were captured. maybe it's silly. but it was beautiful. just sitting there in that room, watching with no sound and just imagining myself there. it inspired me to want to make a movie of my own. but I want to use 8mm film and find an old camera so that it can be watched with Papa's projector. I absolutely love the texture and feeling that you get from watching films like that. so simple. I went to the movies last night too which was a totally different experience in itself. the cinematography was amazing but I still like the old fashioned way more. probably because they were simple.

Thursday, May 31, 2001

so, the last time that I tried to update, this thing wasn't working. that is the reason for the "testing." then, after the test I went to update again and I lost my internet connection. damn modems. I do miss that about school, the 24 hour internet connection. I still need a job. this whole trying to get one in a hospital thing is a pain. I drove out to Mercy to see what I could find and it was annoying just to drive all the way out there. it is seeming to me too much like a real job and I want to have fun this summer. so, I think I am just giving up and am goign to go work at Target or Old Navy. sounds like fun and their are young people there. I just want to work somewhere that is not actually like working. have fun. I am sure you have read enough about next summer. basically there is no next summer. I'll be working my arse off while everyone else is barhopping and laying in the sun. I wish that Guster would have a damn rep show this summer. that is all that I wanted to do, all that I asked for this summer. plus, I want to go to Boston. I want to go anywhere that is not here for a little while. I sound so pessimistic today. really, I am not. I got like 12 hours of sleep last night, which I haven't gotten in a long time. I went to bed at 11:30. I haven't gone to bed that early in a while. I feel great though. I think that I am feeling a little pissed off because I got my grades and my GPA wasn't as high as I thought that it would be. don't get me wrong, it's high. I just thought that I deserved higher for the amount of work that I did. this one stupid professor pisses me off the most. she was probably the worst professor I have ever had and her class was so simple but she graded like a jackass. we did group projects and she would write the same thing on our papers every fucken time. yet when we went up to her to ask how to improve, she had nothing to say. argh. ah well, nothing that I can do about it now. I am just going to relax and enjoy the summer. hopefully things will go my way.

Monday, May 28, 2001